DalyDose of…Inner Jerk
“Ladies: you all SAY that you don’t like jerks, but you REWARD jerkish behavior” –JD
I know, this doesn’t seem like news to most men with phrases like “nice guys finish last” and all that. I intellectually knew that this perception existed, but I didn’t think it could be based on widespread truth. It couldn’t be, could it???
A few months ago I was bored and frustrated with dating in Los Angeles and decided to put on a little experiment. I would go down to my local watering hole…yeah, I threw in an outdated term like “watering hole” because let’s face it, I’m doing an dating experiment, so the nerd factor is already off the charts! I was to go to Barney’s Beanery on two consecutive nights and take on a different persona for each. Here’s how it went…
I did a little pre-drinking, since I could walk down to Barney’s and I wanted to make sure I was in full on JD entertainment mode. I took a spot in the middle of the bar area and opened up the show. I commented on sports, made jokes with people, stopped people walking by as if I was inviting them to this great party I was having right in front of them. I was the typical “great guy” that is so “personable, funny and charming”. You know, the guy that women SAY they want.
I’m not gonna lie, I did meet tons of women. I met tons of women who would gladly take me to the airport. These were not women that were going to date me. These were women who had given me a life sentence into the “friend zone”. This was OK when I was in a long-term relationship and friends are great, but HEY – a man needs more.
I did no pre-drinking and went to bar “in character”. I needed to not be me, which is closer to the guy you just read about on Night One. I need to be aloof and in my own world. I sat at the bar again and watched sports on the TV. I sat next to two girls on my left and I could “feel” them looking at me and talking amongst themselves. Finally, they made a crack about Detroit to catch my attention. I was wearing a Detroit Tigers cap. I talked to them for a little bit but made sure that I split my focus between them and the game with the game having a tinge more importance. The reality was that the game on TV had no teams I was interested in, but I had some interest in the unknowing players of the game I was playing at the bar. Eventually, they left, but one girl made sure that I put her number in my phone.
It kept going like that. Women would come to the bar to get a drink and lean past me to get to the bartender. I acted like I didn’t notice and when they excused themselves I gave the “it’s ok” hand wave/gesture things, but very aloof. Without fail, these women engaged in conversation and on a few occasions this lead to an exchange of contact information.
These were women that I showed no outwardly interest in. These were women that would not “bother me” with airport duty. These were women who were interested in going out on a date…with the jerkish version of me.
There are a few variables to the my experiment that can be nit picked, but I think the thesis is solid. Women are attracted jerks? To be fair, I actually think women are attracted to a challenge. This man is resisting the very same thing that other men fall over themselves for the opportunity to get rejected by. “What’s his story?” they must ask themselves.
A friend of mine told me that I actually have the perfect situation. I don’t have to go out and try to be something great and wonderful only to disappoint her later. I can go out and be a JERK only to impress her later with all the goodness of the guy from Night One. Of course, this friend is firmly entrenched in the dreaded “friend zone”, so I don’t know what to think.
Do I want to spend the energy to play “jerk” to meet women who really want a nice guy? Do women really want that sort of game played on them?