Why I Hate Instagram

As I sit to write this blog entry, the thought strikes me that it is odd to have such an emotional response to a service, especially one that I don’t even use.  Needless to say, since I’m still typing, that those thoughts were quickly squashed in my brain.  To the many that rely on InstaGrime to display your meals in what you think is a quirky, artsy way, I might have to spend a bit more time explaining.  Let’s see if I can filter through the nonsense and get this issue squared away.  See what I did there?

1. Cropped and filtered crap is still crap.

Let’s be honest about Instagram **really** is.  It is the taking of the most uninteresting pictures by the least creative eyes that one can imagine.  Then with the same filters that everyone else is using…to be “creative”…an artsy twist is put on the oh-so-important picture of their lunch, or the oh-so-intuitive cat, or…. Ugh. Does it matter?  The fact remains that people are globbing on filters like they’re finger painting in elementary school, except they’re less interesting.  The finger-painted pictures were unique to each individual child who painted them.  I’d much rather look at fingerpaintagram than Instagram.  Seriously.

*now let’s see who jumped to the comments before they finished reading.

2. No, it’s not about the social network.

I can hear all of the high pitched, whiny and disgusted voices in unison crying out “People who say it’s about the filters don’t understand that it’s about the social network aspect, geez”.  Oh man, I have to bullet point out my responses to this one:

• If your social network is sooooooo amazing, please stop littering my Twitter and Facebook feeds with your square cropped, filter mangled, cuisine snapshops.  Please note that I said “please”.  The fact is that Instagram as a social network ain’t all that.  You have to then repost on “real” social networks, so people can actually see your masterpieces…of crap. (FYI – I’m cracking myself up right now)
• How “social” is exclusion?  It is no secret that I use a Windows Phone…a Nokia Lumia 920 to be exact.  InstaGrime has made it very clear that they do not want Windows Phone users in their club.  Not only do they refuse to make an app, they block 3rd party developers from writing usable alternatives. I’ve heard the excuse that they don’t have the resources to write apps for every platform. I’m calling BS.  They got bought for a BILLION DOLLARS and are now part of Facebook, the most resource rich company on Earth.  Even if this farce of an excuse is somehow true, it doesn’t explain why they block 3rd party apps from being able to upload pictures.

3.  #Too #Many #HashTags

I blame Instagram even more than I blame Twitter for the moronic overuse of hash tags on the Internet.  It’s usually InstaGrime users that feel the need to put the little number sign in front of a great majority of the words describing their kitty, food-porn, cropped and filtered pics.  Now these same people, hashtag needlessly on Twitter.  Hint: words in your Tweets are still searchable without the tag. You only need to hashtag words that don’t flow in the context of your sentence. #Duh.  I’ve also noticed that the InstaGrimers will hash tag all over Facebook.  Psssst…hash tags do NOTHING on Facebook.  Oh, I know you think you’re #BeingCute, but that stopped being clever before Gangham Style went viral.

OK, phew – I’m glad that I got that off my chest.  Honestly, I would like to see InstaGram show up in the Windows Phone App Store, not so I can use it, but so I can stop hearing all the crying in the forums about “how much they miss this app from Android and iPhone” before they switched to Windows Phone.  They don’t care that they have superior build quality and a better camera and live tiles and official MS Office apps and all of the other things that enticed them to switch.  They are jonesing to crop that picture of a pitcher of iced tea and cover it in senseless filters, to post on Instagram and then repost on real social networks.

NOTE: The picture of me cropped to a square and buried under various filters was done with a Windows Phone app called Fhotoroom.  It is capable of doing great things in addition to silliness like this!   Oh, they have their own social network, if you require such things.