Dear Santa from IntimiDATER

Dear Santa,

My request this year is of a unique nature. I was going to ask you to have the elves in IT put together a subset of your master list, with the following:

• Filter so only the naughty will show; sorted by degree of naughtiness. Naughtiest first, please.
• Additional filter to exclusively display single, heterosexual women
• Sort to highlight those who are age appropriate-ish
• Narrow by LA standards of acceptable proximity from my home location

I can appreciate the privacy concerns that you must be having. My intentions are (relatively) honorable. I know you don’t have time to deal with the naughty, so I’m here to take on some of that burden. I also believe that everyone including, and maybe especially, the naughty should have a…uh…package, to…uh…unwrap.  I’m happy to oblige, if they don’t mind a bit of regifting.

If this makes you uncomfortable, please consider giving them my Tinder account. You know they’re on there, pretending to be “not looking for a hookup”. Please don’t give em my cell number, though. They ARE a naughty bunch and I don’t need the drama.

Thanks in advance,

New Years is coming up too. Check these out:
My ORIGINAL Single Man’s Resolution List
The 2014 New Years Update – Just some additions