10 Thoughts That Keep Me Up

I don’t sleep a lot because my mind is always thinking. No, I’m not bragging that I’m solving big world problems or crafting the next great novel. A lot of the time, it’s about stuff that makes me laugh and I wonder how I can put it together into something that will make you laugh. Sometimes, I think about random stuff that make me make the face in this GIF. Here is a sample list of what goes on in this head. There may be clues as to why I’m single, too.

1. There are people who post political rantings on the regular, on the Internet, but said nothing about Net Neutrality? Seriously?

2. When people speak about other people’s privilege, it’s usually something I tune out. Then as I was walking through the grocery store, I saw people eating things like grapes or bulk almonds. That stuff needs to be weighed at the chrckout, so they’re literally stealing and no one says anything. I’d feel guilty about opening a water and taking 2 sips before checking out. Those people and their friggin entitled privilege.

3. I’m shocked that there are people who can’t properly load a dishwasher. If you put a bowl in there, open side up, how do you think it will not end the cycle, full of dish water? I realize that I have my own privilege, in growing up with a dishwasher, but we’ve ALL experienced things like rain and had things like bowls. I mean…

4. A friend of mine complained that she often encounters men on online dating sites looking for a 3rd…trying to set up a threesome. I have always thought that a threesome isn’t something you search for. You are a good person, donating your time and resources to worthy causes. You train abandoned puppies to be support animals for blind orphans. You live this selfless life and the threesomes find you. Right?

5. I have been worried that I’m an addict. Can one be addicted to spicy food? I’m known to put the serious heets on my eats. I feel like we only call something an addiction, if the use of the substance has a negative effect. I suppose if I ever get an ulcer and refuse to stop cooking with habanero and using jalapeño as a salad topping, that maybe then someone will have an intervention for me.

6. I’m pretty stable and calm in a crisis. I tend not to stress out in stress-filled scenarios. However, I’ll mutter things like “I’ll kill everyone”, when auto-correct interferes with my posting of a meaningless quip, on social media.

7. I post a lot of pictures of myself, BUT…I don’t obsess with how good the pictures are and I’ve never asked someone to remove one or untag me. Vain or not vain?

8. When did simply evoking the word “science” become a mic drop? I feel like I could make a strong case for banning water because a significant percentage of drownings involve water. If you deny that, you’re just not interested in facts. I mean…science, dude. Let’s not forget to sprinkle a little context in there, people. I could do a whole little rant here about confirmation bias and curating data to support a predetermined truth, but I’ll stop.

9. One more time: Many of you think that my being from Michigan and dealing with weather related dangers like lightning, floods, tornadoes, blizzards, icy roads, etc, means that I’m silly to be terrified of earthquakes. First of all, weather is predictable and one can take steps to avoid those dangers. Some of those steps include finding higher or lower ground. With earthquakes, you have NO WARNING and the ground BETRAYS you. If you know about my focus on loyalty in all things, then you have to see how the betrayal of the ground that has always been a consistent safe place, can be terrifying.

10. I wonder whether Facebook only shows content of mine to people who will disagree with it. I also wonder if maybe there are people who only comment when they have a disagreement or have to “correct” someone. I mean, I can hear nothing from a person for months and then I’ll post about bacon and they go on the vegan attack…with science. Where were they when I posted a #FaithInHumanity story? Did they miss that hilarious Adele, workout spoof video? Do people just come round here to cause drama and friction? We’ll see. I’ve made 10 points here. Surely, there’s something most people can say “I get it” to and something that makes them think that I suck at being a human. Will they comment on one, the other, both, or neither? Hmmmm…

**Bonus opportunity to start a war of argument: Do you pronounce GIF with a hard, humble G, like Gift, or a soft, peanut buttery smooth G, like Jiffy