IntimiDATER Adresses Abuse & Creepiness
As some of you know, I have been working on a book for The IntimiDATER. I rarely have writer’s block, but my creative process has been halted by the Harvey Weinstein scandal and the numerous scandalous revelations that would soon follow. My work was interrupted out of a sense of duty, as I couldn’t keep stringing words together until I knew if they fell below my standard of what it reckless. I mean, words have power and the dozens of people I expect to own my book, will be under the power of my ridiculous text for the duration of their time in my pages.
The book is a mixture of real dating stories, fictitious dating scenarios, and real advice, packaged as enlightened entertainment. The IntimiDATER character himself is one who will piss you off, offend you and make you shake your head. What he will hopefully NOT do, is encourage or justify, criminal and #metoo-victimizing behavior.
IntimiDATER will suggest that men present themselves in a way that improves the light upon which women see them. A pair of show-off shoes and having a nice watch, for example, each suggest a level of success that a lot of women find attractive. Manipulative? Sure. Felonious? No.
Even these tactics presented in satire have limits. My pledge for IntimiDATER would be to never even joke about leveraging any status of power, real or fabricated, for carnal compensation. In fact, such offenses will be pointed out as signs of weakness for a man possessing zero “game”. Further, IntimiDATER will reverse the trend seen in entertainment of not taking no for an answer. It is telling that many so called romantic forms of entertainment show the lead female character being pestered into submission by the male lead character. In isolated examples this could serve as comedic relief, making caricature of bad behavior, but rejecting rejection is status quo norm, in film and television.
I have a sister and I know many, many people who have daughters who deserve better than to be leveraged into doing things that they do not want to do. That leverage could be physical or the false promises to either help or not harm one’s professional aspirations. Those are off limits areas, as far as this writer is concerned. In short, I will tackle manipulation or presentation, but the use of leverage will always be out of bounds.
Trust me that I will still push boundaries. I want to make people laugh AND look at what they are laughing at. That is the power of comedic content, the exposure creates situations that become comedic. What we must not do is to encourage abusers or give them any reason to think that abuse is the norm. In fact, we must dial back perception of what is normal, so that we can co-exist in a world where I can use cheesy pickup lines and the worst accusation I’ll have leveled upon me is that I’m corny, not creepy.
I have dated…a lot, and I don’t think that I ever cross any lines. Check that…I cross lines, all the time. I mean, if you say something really dumb in front of me, you might get called out, but you know what I mean. In my personal experience, I’ve been accused of being “too passive” and “too nice”, but I’ll take that over being “too aggressive”, any day.
In conclusion, I offer my work in hopes of enlightening entertainment. If I offend, may it be seen for the byproduct of boundary pushing it is intended to be and not the misogyny that many are quick to diagnose.
Originally published on the IntimiDATER Facebook page.