Single Resolutions – 2014 Updated

A lot of you guys are still single and frankly, I don’t need the competition.  We need to get some of you pair bonded, post-haste.  I’m not sure if you paid attention when I dropped the Top 10 Single Resolutions for the 2011 New Year’s season, but go ahead and catch up because ALL 11 of those Top 10, still apply.  I’ve just added a few to the mix.

Before we get to that, let’s talk about resolutions or whatever you want to call them: visions, intentions, plans…they’re all the same thing.  Anyway, why do we constantly set ourselves up for failure?  Throw in a few gimmes and you’ll feel better about yourself.  I resolve not to make people feel guilty about the fact that they aren’t running a marathon, so I will refrain from running a marathon this year. DONE.  I resolve to support the good people who own and work at micro-breweries. COUNT ON IT.   I resolve to do my part in solving state problems. For example, prison over-crowding is a problem and I resolve to prevent my temper from adding another number to the system. PERFECT.

OK, let’s jump into these additions to the list of single resolutions!

Home Turf

My mission: To put my #NoExcuses manta to work.  Last week, I wrote some mini-short scripts and now I wanted to shoot them.  I was having trouble scheduling with anybody to help me, so I picked one that I thought that I could shoot on my own and I just decided to do it today.

It took a good portion of my afternoon, but I like how it turned out.  I was able to show off the Nokia Lumia 1020’s HD capability.  I was also able to (hopefully) show a bit of the funny that exists in my head.  Most of all, I just got something done and that is so important in creating the habit of creating.

OK, let’s jump into it.  I’ll give a few tips along the way…

It’s Not You…I Don’t Wanna Brag

With the passing of Dick Clark we lost a monumental force in the music world.  One of the gifts that he left us was his quotable saying that “Music is the soundtrack of your life”.   I’ve always liked that quote and I think I’m going to make that way of thinking a regular part of this blog.

What I’ll do is pick a couple of songs and then give a little commentary on it and how it applies as the soundtrack of my life.  That commentary could be funny or poignant.   Let’s get started with the first DalyDose of…The Soundtrack Of Your Life.

DalyDose of…Total Package

I started the “Insanity” workout today and let me start this posting on a tangent: Even the fit test kicked my butt!

OK, back to our originally scheduled blog.  I started the Insanity workout today because my internal fitness level did not match my external appearance.  I have a supercharged engine in a jalopy frame and it was time to get to the body shop.  When I finished the workout this morning, I thought about some things that I had been talking about with women that I know.  They all have various reasons for justifying why they don’t think a guy will work out.  Some of them claim intuition, some resort to blaming it on “timing” and some just say that they aren’t willing to “settle”, but are uncomfortable discussing what is an unsettling…uh…settling situation.

DalyDose of…Valentine’s Daly

Valentine’s Day gets a bad rap as a corporate holiday, but in reality it is…well, it’s so much worse.  It’s so bad that it doesn’t even warrant a day off for our valiant postal workers.  In fact, it would seem to me that they have to work extra hard on this day.  You can take that to bank.  I mean, literally, you can take it to the bank because the banks are open on this “holiday”.

To make matters worse, this is the most exclusionary holiday on the calendar.  Another saint’s day, Patrick to be exact doesn’t require one to be Irish; anyone can get filthy drunk on this holiday.  That’s inclusion.  President’s Day is coming up next and we’ve all voted for somebody that won.  If you didn’t vote, then you have probably at least been screwed by presidential policies at some point.  We all get to enjoy the holiday.   As I rack my brain, every single holiday other than Valentine’s Day is for us all.

What about this day devoted to St. Valentines?   

DalyDose of…Phone Sex. Is it a Date?

I like writing, but it would be so much better to get paid for it.  I came across this opportunity to submit a blog sample to this company starting a website for single people.  They were looking for funny, unique views.  I submitted my DalyDose of…10 Single Resolutions and they responded that they would like a 500 word sample using their test topic.  The test topic is “Does phone sex count as a date?”. 

I took on the challenge.  I transformed myself from nice guy to inner jerk and starting hitting the keyboard.  They wanted 500 words or less….here are my 493:

DalyDose of…10 Single Resolutions

2011 is upon us.  Last year was supposed to be two thousand PERFECT ten, but we’ll make 2011 one better than perfect!

Ladies and gentlemen I present to you the following list of resolutions.  These resolutions are intended for those of us burdened…I mean blessed…with being single men in Los Angeles.  I am certain, however that anyone will be able to take a gem or two and add them to the treasure that is their life.

Yes, I view this list as immeasurably important and those who find their way to it, will possess a wisdom not often found outside of my apartment.  Please note that that I am approximately 10% joking.

DalyDose of…Inner Jerk

“Ladies: you all SAY that you don’t like jerks, but you REWARD jerkish behavior” –JD

Mean JD - "Going Bananas"

I know, this doesn’t seem like news to most men with phrases like “nice guys finish last” and all that.  I intellectually knew that this perception existed, but I didn’t think it could be based on widespread truth.  It couldn’t be, could it???

A few months ago I was bored and frustrated with dating in Los Angeles and decided to put on a little experiment.  I would go down to my local watering hole…yeah, I threw in an outdated term like “watering hole” because let’s face it, I’m doing an dating experiment, so the nerd factor is already off the charts!  I was to go to Barney’s Beanery on two consecutive nights and take on a different persona for each.  Here’s how it went…

DalyDose of…Honesty Policy

“Honesty is the best policy. If I lose mine honor, I lose myself.” – William Shakespeare

Who doesn’t understand the most basic virtue of honesty?  It has been taught to seemingly every child growing up in every culture throughout time?  In a display of my optimism (or naiveté), I tend to assume that most people WANT to tell the truth.  The problem is that life doesn’t seem to encourage or incentivize honesty that much.  In JD’s economics influenced world-view,  people and their behaviors are heavily influenced by incentive.

Sure, there are family dramas where a child caught with hands in the cookie jar and admits wrongdoing under parental interrogation.  There is joy in the house because the child told the truth and gets leniency followed with a big group hug.   I’m not sure that is the mainstream experience for the parent-child relationship.  I think the lessons of “don’t eat cookies without asking” and “don’t play in the house” stand in higher favor than “tell the truth”.  In fact, the reality seems to be that the honesty/truth lesson is really taught as an investigative tool for the parent to get to the truth, in an attempt to hand out punishment for other offenses.

A DalyDose of….Man’s Last Stand??

I was watching the SuperBowl yesterday and among the all commercials, one stood out.  Yeah, there were funnier ones and more touching ones and arguably even more clever ones.  (see this Lunch.com list for a good sampling) This particular commercial, however stuck out to me for a variety of reasons.  Before I comment further, please take 30 Tivo-free seconds and (gasp) watch the commercial:

OK, why did this commercial standout?  Well, the voice of Dexter, for one, if you’re a fan of that show.  The fact that we were lured in with narrative that rings true for any man who has had a relationship that lasted longer than next morning’s breakfast, is yet another reason.  What really struck me about what I consider to be an undoubtedly unique and effective ad, is the notion of the choice of car as “man’s last stand”.

The video argument is compelling, for sure.  As I was watching and grinning and nodding in agreement, something was tugging at my thoughts.  Was this really the last stand for men?  Somewhere in the memory vaults of my mind another argument was recalled.  YES…it was from the BBC sitcom “Coupling”, not be confused with the horrific American version.  Check out this video clip of a rant, from Steve, about men and what he believes should be considered our last stand. (NOTE: yes, you recognize the actor from his role in the “Pirates of the Caribbean” films)

So, we have two passionate arguments for “Man’s Last Stand”.  The Dodge Charger SuperBowl ad supports the…uh…Dodge Charger and thus, the car.  Steve in “Coupling” makes the case for the bathroom.

Where do you stand on this whole “last stand” issue?  Please vote in the poll below and feel free to wax poetic in the comment section!