Top 10 Signs Today, that you’re in a Midwest airport, or at least not at LAX.

1. There are payphones…a significant number of payphones. No one is using them, but, you know….they could.

2. People are wearing shoes. Not flip flops or sandals or bare feet…except for the dude sitting behind me on the plane who almost left with vomit toes.

3. I’ve only heard one language being spoken. To be fair, the accents are varied.

4. I’ve seen more places selling beer than fresh squeezed juice.

5. Traffic is heavier on the runway than the freeway.

6. There is a strong diversity…of electronics. The iCult has a presence, but it’s not dominant.

7. I heard someone properly order a carbonated, beverage…as POP. It should also be noted that there was a line at McDonald’s. California’s have an irrational level of hatred for the Golden Arches

8. I have legitimately seen zero people taking selfies or video chatting.

9. No one seems to be just heading out to find themselves or go on a social media boast trip. Many, many people seem to have a common affliction. I think the technical term for it is, employment. Who knew people traveled to be productive

10. In what might be the most unionized, liberal place in the country, I’ve not heard one political quip, snark, or any of the unending anger laced, “clever” activism. People are pleasant and it’s safe to talk to them without them finding a way to twist any topic into telling you about their political views. No, they don’t need to be “woke”.

Bonus

There are places everywhere to charge your phone…for free! They even have FREE stations to use a tablet.

DalyDose of…In-Flight Mag

“There’s another magazine besides the one with the aquarium coffee table?” –JD

I flew Southwest earlier this week, across the country to Orlando for a conference.  I didn’t get the coveted Boarding Group A Position 01 boarding pass like my friend Mara.  Nope, I was herded in with the other cattle only to be reminded that Southwest is no frills.  Of immediate importance to me was that this flight would have no movie.  This allowed me to peruse the entire SkyMall magazine with all of its temptations including this cool pair of sunglasses with a video camera built in.  I’m not sure how I’ve gone this long without those.  I mean they shade your eyes, but could help you uncover the truth.  That’s deep…deeper than my pockets so I didn’t get the things.

When I was done shopping, I didn’t know what to do, so I picked up that other magazine.  You know the one, the “in-flight” magazine.  I knew it existed on other airlines because that’s where I usually find out which movie is playing.  I promise that will be the last time I mention that Southwest has no cinematic entertainment…I promise.

I was surprised to learn that I had so much…uh…to learn in that other magazine.  What did I learn?  Read on, my friends and get edified…