DalyDose of…Inner Jerk

“Ladies: you all SAY that you don’t like jerks, but you REWARD jerkish behavior” –JD

Mean JD - "Going Bananas"

Mean JD - "Going Bananas"

I know, this doesn’t seem like news to most men with phrases like “nice guys finish last” and all that.  I intellectually knew that this perception existed, but I didn’t think it could be based on widespread truth.  It couldn’t be, could it???

A few months ago I was bored and frustrated with dating in Los Angeles and decided to put on a little experiment.  I would go down to my local watering hole…yeah, I threw in an outdated term like “watering hole” because let’s face it, I’m doing an dating experiment, so the nerd factor is already off the charts!  I was to go to Barney’s Beanery on two consecutive nights and take on a different persona for each.  Here’s how it went…

Night One

I did a little pre-drinking, since I could walk down to Barney’s and I wanted to make sure I was in full on JD entertainment mode.  I took a spot in the middle of the bar area and opened up the show.  I commented on sports, made jokes with people, stopped people walking by as if I was inviting them to this great party I was having right in front of them.  I was the typical “great guy” that is so “personable, funny and charming”.  You know, the guy that women SAY they want.

I’m not gonna lie, I did meet tons of women.  I met tons of women who would gladly take me to the airport.  These were not women that were going to date me.   These were women who had given me a life sentence into the “friend zone”.   This was OK when I was in a long-term relationship and friends are great, but HEY – a man needs more. 

Night Two

I did no pre-drinking and went to bar “in character”.  I needed to not be me, which is closer to the guy you just read about on Night One.  I need to be aloof and in my own world.  I sat at the bar again and watched sports on the TV.  I sat next to two girls on my left and I could “feel” them looking at me and talking amongst themselves.  Finally, they made a crack about Detroit to catch my attention.  I was wearing a Detroit Tigers cap.  I talked to them for a little bit but made sure that I split my focus between them and the game with the game having a tinge more importance.  The reality was that the game on TV had no teams I was interested in, but I had some interest in the unknowing players of the game I was playing at the bar.  Eventually, they left, but one girl made sure that I put her number in my phone.

It kept going like that.  Women would come to the bar to get a drink and lean past me to get to the bartender.  I acted like I didn’t notice and when they excused themselves I gave the “it’s ok”  hand wave/gesture things, but very aloof.  Without fail, these women engaged in conversation and on a few occasions this lead to an exchange of contact information.

These were women that I showed no outwardly interest in.  These were women that would not “bother me” with airport duty.  These were women who were interested in going out on a date…with the jerkish version of me.

JD Thoughts

There are a few variables to the my experiment that can be nit picked, but I think the thesis is solid.  Women are attracted jerks?  To be fair, I actually think women are attracted to a challenge.  This man is resisting the very same thing that other men fall over themselves for the opportunity to get rejected by.  “What’s his story?” they must ask themselves.

A friend of mine told me that I actually have the perfect situation.  I don’t have to go out and try to be something great and wonderful only to disappoint her later.  I can go out and be a JERK only to impress her later with all the goodness of the guy from Night One.  Of course, this friend is firmly entrenched in the dreaded “friend zone”, so I don’t know what to think.

Do I want to spend the energy to play “jerk” to meet women who really want a nice guy?  Do women really want that sort of game played on them?

Comments…comments…comments…let’s discuss! 


From the Daly Vault on dating relationships, check out DalyDoses of:
*Girls Are Funny
*Girls Are Funny 2
*Honesty Policy
*Why I Hate eHarmony
*Priorities: Women & Money


About jeffdalydose

...a little bit of this, a little bit of that, and a whole lot of awesome!

Posted on December 11, 2010, in Just Life and tagged , , , , , . Bookmark the permalink. 11 Comments.

  1. omg Jeff…you’re so funny. This paragraph literally made me laugh out loud:

    A friend of mine told me that I actually have the perfect situation. I don’t have to go out and try to be something great and wonderful only to disappoint her later. I can go out and be a JERK only to impress her later with all the goodness of the guy from Night One. Of course, this friend is firmly entrenched in the dreaded “friend zone”, so I don’t know what to think.

    Just be yourself. I know…again so cliche’…but it WILL “work”…whatever that really means anyway….

  2. What’s wrong with the “friend zone” especially if your intent is to get to know someone?

    • Melissa – you are new to the JDE so you don’t know that I have the Friend Zone disease. I don’t have a particular problem with having friends…I have lot of them and I like most of them! My problem is that I seem to go directly to the Zone and never exit. It’s a curse, trust me.

  3. Very interesting experiment you did here.

    It’s definitely the “challenge” that women are attracted to, not the “jerk.” And, let’s be real, men like that, too. Many men are likely to talk to a girl that they have to work for, rather than the one that’s staring right in their face.

    You want someone to be attracted to you because you’re a cool guy, not because you’re a jerk. If women see that challenge/jerkness in the beginning, they may expect the entire relationship to be like that.

    • I think generally speaking women are screwed up in terms of what we find valuable in a male partner. I talked to a friend of mine who said black women in particular dont know their audience. I think he’s right. Overall we are very shallow and superficial and tend to be very short term with regards to our selections.

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