DalyDose of…Inner Jerk

“Ladies: you all SAY that you don’t like jerks, but you REWARD jerkish behavior” –JD

Mean JD - "Going Bananas"

I know, this doesn’t seem like news to most men with phrases like “nice guys finish last” and all that.  I intellectually knew that this perception existed, but I didn’t think it could be based on widespread truth.  It couldn’t be, could it???

A few months ago I was bored and frustrated with dating in Los Angeles and decided to put on a little experiment.  I would go down to my local watering hole…yeah, I threw in an outdated term like “watering hole” because let’s face it, I’m doing an dating experiment, so the nerd factor is already off the charts!  I was to go to Barney’s Beanery on two consecutive nights and take on a different persona for each.  Here’s how it went…

Night One

I did a little pre-drinking, since I could walk down to Barney’s and I wanted to make sure I was in full on JD entertainment mode.  I took a spot in the middle of the bar area and opened up the show.  I commented on sports, made jokes with people, stopped people walking by as if I was inviting them to this great party I was having right in front of them.  I was the typical “great guy” that is so “personable, funny and charming”.  You know, the guy that women SAY they want.

I’m not gonna lie, I did meet tons of women.  I met tons of women who would gladly take me to the airport.  These were not women that were going to date me.   These were women who had given me a life sentence into the “friend zone”.   This was OK when I was in a long-term relationship and friends are great, but HEY – a man needs more. 

Night Two

I did no pre-drinking and went to bar “in character”.  I needed to not be me, which is closer to the guy you just read about on Night One.  I need to be aloof and in my own world.  I sat at the bar again and watched sports on the TV.  I sat next to two girls on my left and I could “feel” them looking at me and talking amongst themselves.  Finally, they made a crack about Detroit to catch my attention.  I was wearing a Detroit Tigers cap.  I talked to them for a little bit but made sure that I split my focus between them and the game with the game having a tinge more importance.  The reality was that the game on TV had no teams I was interested in, but I had some interest in the unknowing players of the game I was playing at the bar.  Eventually, they left, but one girl made sure that I put her number in my phone.

It kept going like that.  Women would come to the bar to get a drink and lean past me to get to the bartender.  I acted like I didn’t notice and when they excused themselves I gave the “it’s ok”  hand wave/gesture things, but very aloof.  Without fail, these women engaged in conversation and on a few occasions this lead to an exchange of contact information.

These were women that I showed no outwardly interest in.  These were women that would not “bother me” with airport duty.  These were women who were interested in going out on a date…with the jerkish version of me.

JD Thoughts

There are a few variables to the my experiment that can be nit picked, but I think the thesis is solid.  Women are attracted jerks?  To be fair, I actually think women are attracted to a challenge.  This man is resisting the very same thing that other men fall over themselves for the opportunity to get rejected by.  “What’s his story?” they must ask themselves.

A friend of mine told me that I actually have the perfect situation.  I don’t have to go out and try to be something great and wonderful only to disappoint her later.  I can go out and be a JERK only to impress her later with all the goodness of the guy from Night One.  Of course, this friend is firmly entrenched in the dreaded “friend zone”, so I don’t know what to think.

Do I want to spend the energy to play “jerk” to meet women who really want a nice guy?  Do women really want that sort of game played on them?

Comments…comments…comments…let’s discuss! 

 

From the Daly Vault on dating relationships, check out DalyDoses of:
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*Girls Are Funny 2
*Honesty Policy
*Why I Hate eHarmony
*Priorities: Women & Money